Jackson West’s Obsessive Compulsion

Yesterday evening I happened across some signature gatherers canvassing for registered voters who reside in San Francisco. While the sheer volume of such campaigns in the Bay Area, and the often misleading information they give about the cause they’re representing, I often decline as politely as possible and move on. But in this case, I actually walked up and volunteered my John Hancock. Why?

Because the volunteers were out working for The Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco. And before you jump to the conclusion that they’re right-wing nutjobs out to rename everything “Reagan this” and “Reagan that” (like I did when I first got an email from them), check out the site. Instead, it’s a gloriously involved piece of satire, the kind of well-planned joke that reminds me why I love The City.

See, they’re looking to get 10,000 signatures in order to qualify a ballot proposition so that San Francisco voters can decide if they want to rename the local Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant, which, to put it bluntly, processes the stream of shit flowing from our sewage system. And the president they want to bestow this honor upon is none other than George W. Bush.

I can only hope the proposition, as written, stipulates a sign reading “George W. Bush Sewage Plant” in a size proportional to the man’s heroic legacy. Preferrably with some dramatic lighting, or maybe even in neon. Complain all you will about the over-legislation of The City and the volume of seemingly vain proclamations from City Hall and ballot initiatives from motivated cranks, but this one has my full support.

I will do pretty much anything to add a new byline to the ol’ writing bio. I normally joke that I’m a byline whore, but whores get paid — whereas I’m willing to give it up for free, which I think makes me just a slut. Plus, I’m definitely motivated by compulsion and enthusiasm more than strictly money, so again, it’s fitting. On the other hand, whores can have lovers, not just clients, so there’s that. Guess I’d better avoid such loaded terms and just go with the more neutral “collector.” For this week I did get paid, and added a new publication to the list, so it’s like the best of all worlds.

• The People’s Guide: North Beach Blogged
• The People’s Guide: North Beach Blogged, Day 2
• The People’s Guide: North Beach Blogged, Day 3
• The People’s Guide: North Beach Blogged, Day 4
• The People’s Guide: Jackson’s Day 5 Doozie

Thanks to editor Sarah Hromack for the opportunity. She’s left the door open for me to contribute in the future, and I’ve been sitting on a project idea that my friend Jason and I have been discussing since last Summer that I think would fit well, so you may just see me pop up there again.